How to Make Friends in a New City: A Plan for Your First 3 Months

Moving somewhere new is exciting for about a week. Then the boxes are unpacked, the weekend comes, and you realise there's nobody to call. If that's where you are, it's normal, and it gets better with a plan.

The short answer: make friends in a new city by seeing the same people again and again. Pick one or two activities that meet weekly, tell people you're new, say yes to invitations, and suggest small next steps like a coffee after class. Ask friends back home for introductions. Expect it to take a few months, because friendship is built on hours together.

Lonely evening in a new place? Talk to someone now

Why it's harder than it used to be

At school or university, friendship came with the building: the same people, every day, with time to kill. A new city as an adult gives you none of that. You meet lots of people once and almost nobody twice.

The research agrees that time is the missing piece. A 2018 study by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas estimated it takes about 50 hours together to become casual friends, about 90 to become friends and over 200 to become close friends. The same study looked at adults who had just moved, and Hall's advice was simple: invite people, and make time with potential friends a priority.

So the real job is not "be more charming". It's create repeated time with the same people.

Before you move

• Ask for introductions. Message friends, family and colleagues: "I'm moving to Leeds in March, do you know anyone there?" A friend-of-a-friend is the warmest start you'll get.
• Search your own contacts. Look up the city on social media and see who you already know there: old classmates, ex-colleagues, people you met travelling.
• Join local groups early. City and neighbourhood groups on Facebook or Reddit, and Meetup groups for your interests, let you see what's on before you arrive.
• Pick your first two activities. Decide now what you'll try in week one, so you don't spend your first month "settling in" alone.

Your first month: say yes

• Introduce yourself as new. "I just moved here" makes people helpful. It also explains why you're asking where to eat.
• Say yes to almost everything. Work drinks, a neighbour's barbecue, a colleague's birthday. Spotahome's moving guide puts it bluntly: say no too often and people stop inviting you.
• Talk to your neighbours. Say hello, introduce yourself, ask a small favour or a local tip. A neighbour who knows your name makes a place feel like home faster than anything.
• Become a regular. Same café, same gym time, same market stall. Familiar faces turn into nods, then chats.
• Go into the office, if you can. If your job offers it, a few office days give you lunches and coffees you'd never get at home.

Months two and three: build the habit

This is where most people give up, just before it starts to work.

• Keep only the activities you like. By now you know which groups feel right. Drop the rest and go to those every single time.
• Follow up. After a few weeks of small chats, suggest one small, specific plan: "Want to grab a coffee after Thursday's class?" Specific beats "we should hang out sometime".
• Look for other newcomers. People who have just moved are often the most open to new friends, because they need them too. Expat groups, new-starter groups at work and "new in town" meetups are full of them.
• Host something easy. A takeaway and a film, a board game night, a walk. You don't need a nice flat. People remember being invited.
• Widen who counts. Psychology writer Marisa Franco suggests being open to friends of different ages and life stages, and to "locationships", friendships that exist because you share a place right now. Plenty of those grow into the real thing.

Where to meet people, compared

Place	Why it works	Watch out for
Weekly class (language, cooking, dance, art)	Same people, shared task, built-in topic	Short courses end; sign up for the next one together
Sports club, running group, parkrun	Regular, friendly, often a café afterwards	Some groups are very serious; try the beginner session
Volunteering	You help, and you talk while you work	Pick roles with other people, not solo tasks
Meetup and local online groups	Easy to find things on tonight	One-off events rarely repeat the same faces
BFF (by Bumble)	Made for friendship nearby	It takes a few chats before anyone meets
Work and co-working	You're there anyway	Change the setting: lunch, not just meetings
Faith or community groups	Regular, welcoming to newcomers	Choose one whose values you share

For more apps, see apps like Bumble BFF and best free apps to make friends online.

What to say (without feeling awkward)

• At a class: "Is this your first time too? I just moved here."
• To a neighbour: "Hi, I'm Sam, I just moved into number 12. Any good places for breakfast round here?"
• After a few weeks: "A few of us could get a drink after this, want to come?"
• To a colleague: "I'm still learning the city. Where do you go at the weekend?"

Short, friendly and easy to answer. If a chat stalls, our how to keep a conversation going has more.

Keep your old friends

Don't drop the people back home while you build new ones. A weekly call or message keeps you steady on the lonely evenings, and it takes pressure off every new friendship. Just don't let it fill every free evening, or you'll never go out.

On the lonely evenings

There will be some. Have a plan for them: a walk, a call home, an evening class, or a conversation with someone new. Olu is a free, text-only chat for adults 18+ where one tap matches you with someone online now in another country, with every message translated both ways, in your browser. It won't introduce you to people in your new city, so treat it as company for a quiet night, not your friend-making plan. The community is small and busiest at World hour, daily at 19:00 UTC (see your time with the time zone tool).

If the loneliness feels heavy, please talk to someone: 988 in the US, Samaritans 116 123 in the UK and Ireland, or findahelpline.com. And if it's lasting, read I have no friends and I have no one to talk to.

Your 3-month checklist

1. Before: ask for introductions, join two local groups, pick two activities.
2. Weeks 1-4: say you're new, say yes, meet the neighbours, become a regular somewhere.
3. Weeks 5-12: keep the activities you like, follow up with a specific plan, find other newcomers, host something small.
4. All along: keep in touch with old friends, and be patient. You're building hours, not hunting for one perfect person.